The Jukebox Flickers to Life

"Birds flyin' high...you know how I feel.
Sun in the sky...you know how I feel.
Breeze driftin' on by...you know how I feel.
It's a new dawn...it's a new day....
It's a new life for me.
And I'm feelin' good."

-None other than Michael Buble

The Jukebox flickers to life, and a new story begins. Moskovad is dead, drowned in the forgetfulness in which he bathed in so frequently. Understandable, really, given his current schedule. Regardless of the fact that his schedule and mine are exactly the same, the Bassercussionist will keep the beat. The rhythm will flow. Slowly, perhaps, but it will flow.

A little explanation. I play the bass. Now I know that the generic assumption for the word "bass" is the hard-rock version of the electric bass guitar; all sound and fury, signifying nothing. For me, this is SO wrong. To me, the real bass is six feet tall, completely made of wood and metal strings, is unable (by default at least) to plug into an amplifier, and requires at least a somewhat physically fit person to fully play. It is (in my most humble opinion) the most beautiful musical instrument, both in sound and shape. Most people mistake it for a cello, and some culturally illiterate people even mistake it for a large violin. But it is a String Bass, or a Double Bass, or a Contrabass. Whatever floats your boat.

I also play the drums. That is where the "ercussionist" part comes in from the root "percussionist." I love it greatly. It's very addicting, really. I can't count how many people's nerves I've gotten on with my incessant drumming. But what can I say? I got the music in me. I got the music in me. Bop bop ooooh. Yeah.
There are three different "ranks," if you will, in the world of percussion. They go as follows:

1. Drummer

The drummer is the easiest rank to achieve. Anyone can be a drummer. Anyone. The drummer has no discipline, creativity, or sense of closure. In simpler terms, the drummer sits at a drumset and plays the same beat over and over again for three hours, thinking that everyone in the immediate vicinity is absolutely entranced by his superior musical talents. When in fact, everyone is annoyed to the verge of murder and are forced to shout Calculus functions as loud as they can, attempting to grasp the lifeline to their sanity. Perhaps I am too harsh. I certainly do not lie, but I may be too harsh. The drummers are the seeds of hopefully fruitful musical trees. They rely on basics to impress those around them. Almost all of the drummers I know at the school I attend have incredible potential. Almost.

2. Malleteer

The first thing that comes to mind at the sound of this word is a man with a very pointy goatee, a mustache that curls up the sides of his face, dressed in a blue and silver tunic, boots, and holding two timpani mallets. I can assure you that a malleteer will rarely, if ever, feel the need to challenge you to a duel. Malleteers are almost the exact opposite of drummers. They are all discipline. Instead of sitting at a drumset and haphazardly and roughly beating out migraine-inducing rock beats that consist of two sequences, they will studiously learn the more refined, more subtle aspects of percussion. The malleteers instruments of choice involve keyboard instruments (i.e. xylophones, marimba, vibraphone, glockenspiel, etc.) and other auxillary instruments. They are likely to play instruments that look like they came from the planet Neptune that make sounds that are confusing, yet intriguing. Malleteers have a tendency to be a bit perfectionistic and a little OCD, but we love them anyway.

3. Percussionist

And finally, we come to the final rank of percussion: the Percussionist. The percussionist is the one that is the right balance of the drummer's potential, eagerness, determination and drive and the malleteer's work ethic, diversity, skill, and discipline. Percussionists, as a rule, are quite a bit more laid back than the other two ranks, having gotten over the need to prove themselves.

So if there is anyone reading this blog that is looking for a "drummer" for their band or something; give it up. It'll be more of a headache than it is worth. Instead, look for a Percussionist to fill your rhythm needs.