Family, Friends, and the Quest for World Peace

I've decided that I'm a pacifist. This may not be new to anyone other than myself, but it is something that I have just recently discovered. While I would rather have Sir Churchill's approval, I realize that I cannot deny my true nature. And that nature is embodied in the motto "Get along well or kill each other, I don't care."

Allow me to explain. I have two cousins. I mean, I have more than two cousins, but only two are necessary for this example and attempted moral. These two cousins are young. I will not disclose name or exact relation, in order to protect the young and innocent. Well, let's just stick with young. Anyway, these two cousins of mine spend every other weekend with my parents and I at our house. They've been with us for quite some time now, and I don't think my cousins, my uncle who brings them, my parents, or I have quite figured out how to deal with it effectively yet. I won't go into too much detail, for fear of exaggeration and that readers will quickly lose interest in extended family unrest, but these two wonderful bundles of joy (my cousins) seem incapable of surviving without confrontation and contention. They fight over just about anything, from what TV show to watch to what color of shoes they should wear for that day.

This may be unfair and uncharitable of me on many counts, but it is something that, in my house, was dealt with and eradicated many years ago. I know that when I was their age, my brother and I fought a great deal. Arguing over this and that, often driving my other brothers and sister up whatever wall was in the room at the time. However, in all those years of learning how to coexist with others, I had a loving mother and enforcing father that were always there to remind us that when we got older, we had to learn to act politely and deal kindly with others.

And this is the reason why our time with my cousins has been particularly difficult for us and them. I can't imagine what it's like for my cousins, because they have to leave their mother every other weekend and spend it with their father. And I'd be willing to bet that they recieve two completely different sets of rules and attitudes every time. I'd be confused, I know, as to what on earth I was supposed to act like. I don't know how they act like at their mother's house, but I know that when they come over to mine, it's like it's their time to vent their frustrations.

Now, I come from a fairly sheltered environment. When my brothers and I would fight, my father would threaten that if we don't stop fighting and get along, we would have to put our arms around each other and sing "There is beauty all around when there's love at home." Needless to say, this method was extremely effective and worked every time. The problem is that my father can't do that with my cousins and uncle, because they're not with us long enough to establish a base of principles.

This is where the motto "Get along well or kill each other, I don't care" comes in. When my two cousins begin fighting, my uncle doesn't hesitate to join in. I realize that this can be a way of endearment to some people, and that it is simply how some people relate to everything around them. All I know is that a very real, palpable silence comes over me when they begin clashing. The reason for this is that I am having a large battle in my mind over what to do. One side draws their weapons and screams "Put them in their place! They have no right to create such a disturbance in MY house!! Death to confrontation!!!" While the other side puts up their hands eagarly and pleads "But wait! Is it our place to demand that they act a certain way? What about individuality? Maybe their just asserting themselves! Conflict is healthy! Give genocide a chance!!" Okay, maybe not so much on the genocide, but you get the idea. So while my mind is dropping nukes on my decision-making complex, my cousins and uncle are close to tearing each other apart. So I just sit there and stare blankly into space. Cognitive dissonance takes over, and I begin to mutter stupidly like a monkey with a stutter.

I love my family, don't get me wrong. There isn't a single group on the earth that I would rather spend my time with. But no one wants to be around people who fight and argue all of the time, I don't care how roughly you're tempered.

I notice that I act this way with friends, as well. I've been very careful in my selection of friends, and I don't think that it's prideful of me to say that I've been successful in finding very good friends. But I've found myself in the role of mediator before when my friends find some strange reason to be angry with each other. I've grown to be fairly comfortable in this role, as it allows me to ease the situation (if I do it right, that is), and it allows me to remain detached and uninvolved at the same time! Apathetic relationship counseling, available at Bassercussionist Psychiatry Inc., for the low, low price of a bear hug and a rehearsed compliment! Rates have never been lower!

All joking aside, though, I've decided that I need to be more actionistic. I think that I'm taking some linguistic liberties with that word (sorry, Tolkien Boy!), but it accurately describes my situation. I feel guilty sitting silently while the world around me is bent on snapping everyone's neck.

So one of my New Year's resolutions (and we all know how well THOSE hold out, in general) is to be more decisive, assertive, and vocal of my opinion. While silence is my best trait, maybe it's time that I make myself heard.

Who knows? Maybe violence IS the answer to all our problems.